OTHERHOOD:COPING WITH EMPTY NEST SYNDROME

Following the NETFLIX release of the much talked about film OTHERHOOD last weekend it prompted an emotional response. It deals with the trauma of three mothers and their distancing relationship with their sons. “Like their are breaking up with you on a gradual basis” was the quote that resonated with me.

Catch it on Netflix Now

As a Mother of a son think it definitely afflicts us more, girls on the whole tend to stay in touch. I am also a single Mother since my son was two so we had an extremely deep bond. Any article I have read on this deals with the void left when your teenagers leave for university, the first step. When being a mother changes , you are no longer needed in the same way. Motherhood becomes Otherhood. But often these days your offspring tend to return to the home post graduation.

As in the film though I believe the real isolation you feel from your Son comes in their twenties when they are carving out their own life…..without you. Many readers of my blog (50+) I am sure you will relate to this. My own son went off to University………..in Los Angeles a massive impact on me but now he is living in London and in his twenties I feel MORE distant.

This is a very real syndrome especially when you identify very strongly in your role as a Mother. The feeling can be overwhelming, almost a grieving period. My son was the centre of my life. Our daily time together was over.

Can I just add this can affect Fathers too. Whoever tends to be the primary care giver.

So lets look at some coping mechanisms

  • You have done a great job if your child is showing independence. Remember you primary purpose is to give them wings to fly the nest.
  • Your child will always need your support . Just cheering them on from the sidelines of the playing field of life. When they score the goals AND when they drop the ball. Let them know you are still their root.
  • DONT stalk them on social media.
  • Refrain from calling them everyday but DO still call regularly. They won’t call you. Don’t expect an instant reply to your text. I used to get upset if he did not reply within……3 minutes ! This is normal. You are no longer the centre of their world. Accept this.
  • Embrace your liberation. Write a ‘pleasure list’ of things that bring you happiness and do a daily pleasure. Its all about you ! Less time spent cooking, shopping, washing and ironing more time for you !!
  • Cultivate new friends and interests. These tend to be linked. Art galleries, a luxury brunch, long lazy lunches ( no school run ).
  • Update your image. Employ the help of a local stylist. New haircut. Clear out that cosmetic purse. Closet cleanse. Ready for this new chapter in your life.
  • Many marriages can fail at this time if your main focus was your children. Plan some together time. Reconnect. Travel. Date nights. Dancing classes. Beautiful lingerie.
  • Equally I personally have scheduled a lunch date with my Son fortnightly we take it in turns to choose a venue and to pay ! It really is a great catch up. We appreciate each other more as we no longer live in each other pockets.
  • Finally even though you feel as though you have been dumped do not express this and put pressure on them to treat you better will isolate them even further. This is a perfectly natural process in their twenties. It changes as they mature. they will be back.

Anyone going through this right now or your child is going off to University next month I would recommend you to watch the film, enjoy it and recognise we are all in the same boat with our sons (maybe some daughters too).Take the humorous route. Accept they are developing new relationships and you are no longer their main focus. they are on their own personal Journey and once they have been through the process of discovery they will return and will probably assume the parenting role over you.

JOJOS STYLE LIST TIP : FILL YOUR LIFE WITH JOY AND FREEDOM

JOJO XXXXX

Still hanging out…….. just not as much

THE HAPPY PLACE FESTIVAL

Well guys Festival season is well and truly upon us. So I found a festival that would suit our age group. None of that pitching tents, washing (and other things ) in a bucket, copious amounts of alcohol and smoking various substances. No this was the festival of choice for me. No alcohol whatsoever replaced with a green juice bar and CBD oil replacing the cannabis. No loud music just gentle gongs and chi bowls. Dancing replaced by yoga and vegan food replaced greasy burgers. Surely this is Jojos truly happy place ???

This seed of an idea was a brilliant one….on paper but it needs to germinate and blossom. We went for the birth of this festival on Saturday 3rd August 2019. Fearne Cottons baby. But as long as she learns from her mistakes and listens to the punters she is trying to make happy then this has real potential. But yesterday it became my “Unhappy Place”.

The day started well a big Rylan Clark Neal fan I managed to secure a front row seat to await his interview with the stunning Amanda Byram. It was preceded by a lovely lady Bryony Gordon of whom I was unaware for a short interview. Engaging,witty and yes happy. Now an avid fan. Rylan as ever did not disappoint in fact was such a brilliant interview with Amanda I even bought the book ! I met Rylan a little later for a chat and he was as charming and real as I hoped……and happy. Unlike a very grumpy Russell Brand who we encountered a little later we did remind him he was supposed to be in his” happy place” but I think we only compounded his already bad mood.

Fearne’s tagline read “a place to enjoy that makes us happy” well if you enjoy queuing 2 hours for food or drink than this IS your place. There were only 3 small vegan trucks with a couple of servers in each and ONE yes ONE green juice bar with a queue stretching as far as the third eye could see !! o Fearne, you surely knew the numbers that had bought tickets ? The Vans eventually ran out of food at 3.30pm to the dismay of the people that had queued the full 2 hours ! Well if you know me I do NOT queue so we had to leave the ground early get in the car in search of food in nearby Richmond. Cotton you stitched us up on this one !!!!

Unbelievable Food Queues

Please be aware if you are booking to go to any of these Happy Place Festivals as there are more throughout September the ticket does not cover ANY of the classes on the schedule. When I booked my ticket there was NOTHING to say that all the classes were not included and the page did not redirect me to any further booking options. So I like many others on the day could not attend the classes. In fact I printed off the schedule for the classes of the SEE website and it still did not make that clear. So you really have to search many were left disappointed on the day as the classes were extremely limited. I just checked the website and it still does not make this clear.

We did meet the fabulous…….and happy Interiors Expert Sophie Robinson who was happy us and others to sit on the outskirts. A great workshop “Making Your Place A Happy Home” as Sophie was the most amazing person we met on the day would like to see her play a larger role, as she fitted the mantra for the Festival.

As a professional Sound Therapist I was eager to attend the Sound Healing session which I managed to squeeze into which was supremely relaxing after the stressful day. Although was punctuated by the loudness of an energetic voice of an American instructor at a mat class next door and Russell Brand attention seeking at a stage nearby. The Meditation and Mindfulness Tepee one would presume should be in a quiet location ? As you can see my Happy Place Sound Meditation has been going on for many years.

Many Happy Years

On a final note all the speakers were there to sell their books on site. Fearne Cottons were piled high. So after every talk the ‘celebrities’ would spend longer than the interview flogging their wares. In a Festival which is about ‘giving back’ ‘helping others’ ‘nourishing our souls’ ‘making YOU happy’ it was is sad that really once again it all boils down to commercial propaganda. It would have been lovely for someone to come along and devote their time in the true spirit of the festival. Then inform us they have nothing to sell!! How refreshing ! I really wanted this Festival to create a different message. Not a Festival to create “a Happy Place” for Fearne and her friends.

Focus

Great idea and I loved the Garden Fete feel of the Festival as more people attend I hope they don’t lose this but it felt like some of the organisation was done by someone who had only organised a garden fete before !

To end my review this was not “my Happy Place” and having bumped into Fearne during the course of the day it was clearly not hers either. But life is a learning curve and will try again next year. Scroll down to see some of my purchases from the day.

JOJOS STYLE LIST TIP

Save it for next year. It did not quite make the STYLE LIST this time around.

Jojo xxxx

My Festival Purchases

A glass water bottle with a glass chamber for a crystal elixir combination for mind, body and soul. I chose moss agate. Pure crystals.co.uk £30

CBD oil that actually tastes pleasant good for anxiety and joints. The most effective THC free formula available. For more information georgeandmae.com

Of course The Life Of Rylan (signed !!) and what a life. Paperback £6.99 available at all good bookstores and some suspect ones too !

Much love , signing off

CELLULITE : Do Creams Work ?

This is the shortest post ever…….. NO !

Let me expand

I have never believed that rubbing chemically laden product into toxic cells really worked. More toxins on toxins ? If anything, can further compound the issue and force the cells to have to work harder to expunge more chemical waste.

I am very careful about using chemical products on my body where I rarely see the benefits. I can recommend daily body brushing before your shower to boost the circulation and cold water on the area for the same reason. Any benefit from applying product is normally from the consistent massage but instead of splurging on expensive product selling you hopes and dreams the same benefit can be gained from organic ,virgin cold pressed sesame or coconut oil.

One of my rituals each morning is to massage organic sesame oil into my body paying particular attention to thighs, elbows and knees.Really squeezing the toxins out you can actually hear any fluid in the cells popping. On hair washing days I also massage into my hair. Leaving it to sink in as I do my morning meditation and gratitude prayer. After rinsing in the shower you are left with silky glowing skin . Not only does this aid smooth skin but also it is a beautiful ritual to thank your body for all it does for you. It is very easy to do for yourself. Although I use organic coconut oil for everything ( even cleaning my house!!) I prefer to use the sesame oil so I don’t smell like a coconut all day. Both are far cheaper than the chemically laden expensive cellulite creams that really don’t work and can actually exacerbate the condition. The power is in circulation and massage.

I am in my fifties and I really don’t have a problem with cellulite (although we all have a bit) after following this regular regime combined with daily yoga……oh and of course a good diet and cutting down on processed food. Back to those chemicals again that don’t belong in the body !

So Ladies I hope this helps build your army in the battle against cellulite.

Jojo xx

50+ Thighs !
Selling the Cellulite Program